The Cockroach Theory of Self-development: A Story On How To Handle Stress

I found this interesting story posted by a friend in my facebook timeline. It is an interesting take on such a simple everyday occurrence, but the lesson is sound.

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but... it landed on another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies. I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me. More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:
I understood, I should not react in life. I should always respond. The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

Managing Work Stress

source: http://www.webmd.com/hw-popup/managing-job-stress

Job stress comes in different forms and affects your mind and body in different ways. Small things can make you feel stressed, such as a copy machine that never seems to work when you need it or phones that won't quit ringing. Major stress comes from having too much or not enough work or doing work that doesn't satisfy you. Conflicts with your boss, coworkers, or customers are other major causes of stress.

It's normal to have some stress. Stress releases hormones that speed up your heart, make you breathe faster, and give you a burst of energy. Stress can be useful when you need to focus on or finish a big project. But too much stress or being under stress for too long isn't good for you. Constant stress can make you more likely to get sick more often. It can also lead to long-term health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, back problems, and depression.

Look for these signs of job stress:

• Headaches


• Trouble sleeping


• Problems concentrating


• Short temper


• Upset stomach


• Job dissatisfaction and low morale

What causes job stress?

Most of the time, it's the major sources of stress that lead to job burnout and health problems. Job stress can affect your home life too. Here are some common sources of major job stress, with examples of each:

• Lack of control. Feeling as if you have no control over your work or job duties is the biggest cause of job stress. People who feel like they have no control at work are most likely to get stress-related illnesses. Here's an example:
  
  
  
  • Shelly is responsible for putting together a report that her boss must deliver at a 4 p.m. meeting. She's been waiting all day for the notes and numbers she needs. Shelly finally gets the notes from her boss at 3:15 and rushes to prepare the report and charts and to make copies in time. She gets it done, but she feels mad and resentful. This is the third time this week that this has happened.
  
  
  
  


• Increased responsibility. Taking on extra duties in your job is stressful. You can get more stressed if you have too much work to do and you can't say no to new tasks.
  
  
  
  • John volunteers for every new project, because he heard that's the best way to get promoted. But the tasks are starting to pile up, and he's feeling overwhelmed. He knows he can't really manage one more thing. But this morning, John's boss asked him to take on another project, and John agreed. Now he's more worried than ever about getting everything done.
  
  
  
  


• Job satisfaction and performance. Do you take pride in your job? If your job isn't meaningful, you may find it stressful. Are you worried about doing well at work? Feeling insecure about job performance is a major source of stress for many people.
  
  
  
  • Raoul has worked in his new job for 8 months. He thinks he is doing well. But his boss doesn't say much, so Raoul isn't sure. He wonders if he's on the right track, but he's afraid to ask.
  
  
  
  


• Uncertainty about work roles. Being unsure about your duties, how your job might be changing, or the goals of your department or company can lead to stress. If you report to more than one boss, juggling the demands of different managers can also be stressful.
  
  
  
  • Rosa's old manager was promoted. Now Rosa is working for someone new. She's heard that the new boss plans to "shake things up" in her department. The new boss just hired Emily, whose job seems to be the same as Rosa's. Rosa worries about what this means for her.
  
  
  
  


• Poor communication. Tension on the job often comes from poor communication. Being unable to talk about your needs, concerns, and frustrations can create stress.
  
  
  
  • A new job with more responsibility and better pay just opened up in Jill's department. Jill knows she can do this job. And she's been with the company longer than anyone else on her team. She waits for her manager to ask if she is interested. But after several weeks, a coworker is promoted to the new job. Jill feels hurt and angry, but she doesn't say anything.
  
  
  
  


• Lack of support. Lack of support from your boss or coworkers makes it harder to solve other problems at work that are causing stress for you.
  
  
  
  • Jeff works in a busy office answering customer complaint calls all day. It would be easier to handle all the calls if he could at least trade tips with his coworkers. But everyone else is busy too. His coworkers never make it out of their cubicles during the day, even to let off a little steam.
  
  
  
  


• Poor working conditions. Unpleasant or dangerous physical conditions, such as crowding, noise, or ergonomic problems, can cause stress.
  
  
  
  • Sonya is exposed to constant noise at work. She wears earplugs, but at the end of her shift her ears are ringing. She often comes home with a headache.
  
  
  
  

What to do about job stress

You can reduce some job stress by learning how to manage your time and your job duties. Think about the kinds of events that trigger stress for you at work. Then you can focus on one or two things you can do that will help the most to reduce stress. Here are some ideas:

You and your boss

• Meet with your manager at least once a year (every 3 or 6 months is even better) to talk about your job and your performance. If a performance review is already part of your job, treat it as a chance to clear up issues that may be causing stress for you. Here are some questions to ask:
  
  
  
  • What is expected of me in this job?
  
  
  • Where is this company going? How do I fit into that plan?
  
  
  • How am I doing? What are my strengths? How can I improve?
  
  
  • What can I expect from you if there's a problem with my work or my job?
  
  
  • If I continue to do well, how and when can I expect to be rewarded?
  
  
  
  

You and your job

• Get organized.Keep track of your projects and deadlines by making a list of what's urgent. Decide what matters most and what can wait.


• Don't put things off. Use a schedule planner to plan your day or week. Just seeing on paper that there is time to get each task done can help you get to work. Break a large project into small steps, and set a deadline for each one.


• Learn to say "no." Don't overcommit yourself. If you take on too much, you're creating stress.


• Focus. Do one thing at a time. In some cases, you can do two things at a time. But if you start to feel stressed, go back to doing one thing at a time.


• Concentrate. Try to limit distractions and interruptions. Ask others to give you a block of time when you are not disturbed.


• Delegate. Ask someone else to take on a task. It's not always important to have all the control.

Take care of yourself

• Make time for you. Leave your job at the office, even if your office is a room in your home. Leave your cell phone at work if you can, or decide not to answer it during times you've set aside for you and your family. Don't check work e-mail at home.


• Stay positive. Remember that everyone has good days and bad days at work.


• Reward yourself. When you finish a difficult task, celebrate. Enjoy a snack at your desk, or-if your job permits-take a short walk or visit with a coworker.


• Schedule time for fun. If you spend every second of your day getting things done, you may resent never having time for yourself. If your employer offers a flexible work schedule, use it in a way that fits your work style. Go into work earlier and take a longer break at lunch to make time for a yoga class or a walk.


• Practice breathing and relaxation techniques. You can do these at home or in a quiet place at work.

Setting a goal to reduce stress

First, identify what's creating stress at work. Maybe it’s lack of control over your job. Or maybe it's worry about losing your job or how you are doing at work. You might feel stress because you're unable to express your thoughts and ideas to your boss and coworkers.

Think about why you want to reduce stressat work. You might want to protect your heart and your health by reducing stress. Or maybe you simply want to enjoy your life more and not let work stress control how you feel. Your reason for wanting to change is important. If your reason comes from you-and not someone else-it will be easier for you to make a healthy change for good.

Next, set a goal for yourself that involves reducing your stress level. Think about both a long-term and a short-term goal.

Here are a few examples:

• Shelly's long-term goal is to reduce stress by managing her frustration over things she can't control at work. Her short-term goal is to learn to do deep breathing and relaxation exercises when she gets stressed. She'll try it the next time her boss hands her a last-minute project.


• Jill’s long-term goal is to reduce stress by speaking up at work and expressing her interests and ideas more effectively. Her short-term goal is to practice being more assertive. When she’s ready, she'll contribute an idea at a department meeting.


• Raoul's long-term goal is to reduce stress by having a better understanding of what’s expected of him at work. His short-term goal is to find out how he is doing now. He plans to schedule a meeting with his boss to talk about his performance and how he can improve.


• John’s long-term goal is to reduce stress by learning to say "no" to projects he doesn't have time to handle. His short-term goal is to get organized and prioritize the projects he has now. He is going to make a list of all of his work and then prioritize the tasks that are most important.

After setting your goals, think about what might get in your way. Use a personal action plan(What is a PDF document?) to write down your goals, the possible barriers, and your ideas for getting past them. By thinking about these barriers now, you can plan ahead for how to deal with them if they happen.

Most important, make sure you get support from friends and family in your efforts to reduce job stress. If your company has an employee assistance program, you might use it to talk with a counselor. A counselor can help you set goals and provide support in dealing with setbacks.

Know when to quit

If you are truly miserable because of a stressful job, it may be time to think about changing jobs. Make sure you know whether it is you or the job that's the problem.

Before you quit, spend time thinking about other job options. Not having a job will probably also lead to stress. Getting another job before you quit is best, but sometimes that isn't possible. Decide what is less stressful for you-unemployment or being miserable in your current job. It might help to talk with a counselor about your choices.

Author	Jeannette Curtis
Editor	Kathleen M. Ariss, MS
Associate Editor	Pat Truman, MATC
Primary Medical Reviewer	Kathleen Romito, MD - Family Medicine
Specialist Medical Reviewer	Lisa S. Weinstock, MD - Psychiatry
Last Updated	April 22, 2009

Turn your stress to success

I received this article from Jobsdb through my email. I believe that these power breaks really can help us recharge our drive and energy. They can also help rest your eyes from staring at the computer as well!

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Power naps. Browsing books during lunch break. A walk around the block during coffee time.

More and more employees are resorting to ‘quality break times’ to recharge themselves for a few minutes (or at most an hour) before they charge into the arena again.

Quality break times are not an escape that makes the employee forget his or her duties or zone out into fantasy land. Rather, they let his energies slow down a bit, tap into a resource that will refuel their creativity and brain power, and then infuse them with a fresh burst of adrenaline that takes them through the day.

Leadership coach Jim Loehr touched on this in his book, Stress for Success. He recommends that employees take a few minutes every day to take a breather from their work load and channel into a hobby that they like or at least a short exercise that removes part of the stress. It’s a way to recharge. Loehr likens it to athletes in the middle of a competition who uses the precious break times called by referees to do breathing or stretching exercises. It’s a way of slowing down for a brief time while still staying in the game.

Here’s how to do it (and remember, they take only 15-30 minutes during your official break):

1. Artistic/creative hobbies: writing a blog; learning computer design; reading a non-work-related book; drawing and design.


2. Physical: 10-15 minute power naps; a short walk around the office; clenching down on those stress balls; hitting a punching bag or doing jump-rope (if you have a mini-gym in the office)


3. Communal (or activities that you do with other people): swapping stories during lunch break or merienda that can evolve into brainstorming; non-gambling card games or chess; etc.

The next time you feel stress ganging up on you, slow down a little, smell the flowers by taking that quality break, recharge – and then get back to the race.

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Dealing with Stress and Emotions

While reading Inquirer.net yesterday, I chanced on an article by Marge Enriquez titled the "7 Reasons We Get Hurt". She talks about how we can easily protect ourselves from physical harm, but emotional and psychological hurts are harder to deal with. She give sus some very good insights into stress and hurt management, which I believe is worth sharing with all of you.

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PROTECTION IS OFTEN equated with physical means—vaccines, security guards, martial arts or amulets. But majority of us would never think about protecting ourselves from being emotionally scarred by others. Says London-based author and motivational speaker Mike George, “We will never need to worry about being hurt by others as our average day carries very little physical threat. However, if we move to the mental and emotional level, there appears to be a different kind of possibility that we may get hurt. Our symptoms of hurt emerge as a result of blaming, complaining and accusing others for ‘making me feel this way.’ Is that because, like physical hurt, we are not strong enough or not powerful enough to protect ourselves, or is it because we feel we are at the mercy of other people and circumstances ... Do we need some kind of ‘bouncer system’ standing guard at the windows of our minds and at the doors of our heart?”

Here are seven reasons why we might feel hurt.

Insulted. “How dare you say that to me!” We can easily feel disrespected or sullied when somebody makes derogatory or unflattering remarks about our work or our personality.

Offended. “Can you believe what they just said about ‘my’ religion, beliefs, ideas, etc.” The feeling is similar to being offended after someone makes disparaging comments of another person’s appearance, actions or speech. In our “conclusion” of the other, we see them doing or saying something against our own values or beliefs.

Let down. “I’m so disappointed in you because you’ve let me down.” Getting upset or disappointed comes from the perception that someone has not met our expectations. Whether they showed up late or failed to do what they said, we take it personally. Once our sorrow has waned, we hold on to a negative impression of them.

Betrayed. “How could you tell them what I said, how can I ever trust you again?” In truth, people don’t have the power to merge especially when they are asked to keep a secret. The hurt comes when we expect people not to pass on what we said.

Robbed. “They took everything from me.” We feel violated when something precious is taken away from us. It’s not just theft; even businesses are out to mooch us they can for their product and service.

Broken promise. “But you promised me...” It’s a personal hurt when someone does not keep his word, whether it’s the parent who fails to purchase the toy for Christmas, the boss who fails to deliver a promotion, or a friend who fails to pay a debt.

Excluded. “You didn’t invite me...” You feel insecure when you’re not included to an event or group that you aspired to be part of. The sensitive feelings are heightened when there’s the thought, “What’s wrong with me?”

It feels as if life offers many opportunities to feel hurt and powerless in the face of other people’s behavior or the prevailing situation. That’s just a matter of perception. George points out that these responses are actually habits of creating our own suffering.

Self-empowerment

Here are his suggestions for self-empowerment.

1. Accept responsibility. The main responsibility in life is the ability to respond. Any hurt reactions are self-created and not caused by another person or event. That’s easier said than done. George says it takes time for the situation or the reaction to die down. By then, we see things more objectively and realize that we feel hurt because “the world is not dancing to our tune.”

2. End controlling. Majority of the hurts stem from the fact that people are not behaving the way we want them to behave. “Our emotional reaction is a sign that we are trying to control what we cannot control,” says George.

3. Be happy anyway. The media and social conditioning have led us to believe that we can’t be happy unless we’ve got this or that. But as long as our contentment is based on another human being or situation, our emotions will vacillate and we will be unable to be centered inside and be genuinely nice to others.

4. Letting go. The cause of all sorrow is holding on to ideas, belief systems, possessions, people and, more significantly, attachment to images of how others should behave. Letting go means not expending our energy on these attachments and instead responding positively to the situation.

5. Self-awareness. Take a few minutes each day and note down the times you felt hurt by someone or by a situation, and see why it was caused by your reaction and not them. This exercise will remind us that we create our own feelings regardless of other people’s behavior. George points out that we could even be guilty of doing what hurts others and we may not be aware of it.

Once we’ve taken up the cudgels for change, here are the signs of self-empowerment:

1. Whatever insults are hurled to you are just words, not sticks and stones.

2. You are not offended when you are no longer holding on to a belief system about how people should speak or behave or dress up.

3. You don’t feel hurt when someone lets you down because you’ve learned not to make your happiness dependent on your expectations of others.

4. You don’t feel betrayed when a person divulges confidential information which you shared. “You know that you cannot control what others will do with what you share,” says George.

5. You can’t be robbed of anything because the real treasures are spiritual. Everything else that is material is ephemeral.

6. You can’t be hurt by broken promises because you accept that people can’t always be relied upon to conform with what they’ve said, and your happiness is not dependent on a fulfilled promised.

7. You don’t feel bad if you’ve been ignored or even blackballed. Self-esteem is not dependent on acceptance from others. “You no longer need to be involved in anything to be content within yourself. You know there is nothing wrong with you. You are a free spirit,” says George.